How to break free of a sexual rut

How to break free of a sexual rut

Every so often, it happens to the best of us – the erotic heat you felt at the beginning of a relationship has cooled over time, which may have resulted in a no-sex rut.  They can last from a week to several months or more - yikes!  Numerous reasons can be to blame from being too tired for it, you’re unhappy with your looks, kids keep interrupting it, or feeling more stress than usual. 

From new relationships to long-term marriages, passion for sex can ebb and flow over time.  It doesn’t mean you care any less for one another or are finding each other less sexually attractive. It could simply mean something needs to bust up the same old, stale sex routine you each are used to and that no longer fulfills your sexual needs.  So if you find yourself crawling into bed reaching for your pillows or the remote control instead of each other, then something has to give to get you out of your no-passion pothole and into one another’s arms once again.

Here are some ideas to spark the love kindle igniting the fire into a healthy, frequent sex life necessary for fostering an intimate, loving relationship:

·      Spice up your sex life

It is not unusual at all for long-term relationships to suffer from a reliable, predictable sexual routine.  If having sex on the weekends and then taking the work week off is your usual go-to regimen, no wonder you have fallen into a no-sex rut. 

This is where the fun can begin.  To get excited about sex, there has to be something novel or different than the norm.  Maybe it’s a new position you’ve never tried before or having sex in a different room than the bedroom.  Unexpected sexual encounters such as sex in the shower or a morning quickie can cause the release of dopamine, a chemical messenger affecting the pleasure center in your brain.  When dopamine is released, suddenly things are fresh and exotic reawakening your sex life.

·      Be more romantic

All of us get tired.  From feeling pressure at work, dealing with cranky kids, elderly parents, and paying bills, your energy has been zapped and so by the time bedtime arrives, all you want to do is fall fast asleep.

Prioritization is vital for keeping sexual energy alive.  Sex is necessary to the overall health of your relationship and even just a five minute quickie can make for an albeit brief, yet crucial intimate connection.  This is where romance comes to the rescue.  At some point during the day or evening, each partner needs to make an attempt at some sort of romantic encounter.  It could be something as simple as giving a backrub, offering a prolonged hug when coming home from work or surprising your loved with flowers or their favorite food.  When time is carved out of each day for one another, sex is more likely to happen.

·      Reconnect in a non-sexual way

If it’s been weeks or months since you and your partner have had sex, it is time to reconnect with each other without any pressure to hop into bed.  Date nights may sound cliché, but scheduling time each week for a shared experience can work its magic in bringing you both closer together.  Instead of the usual dinner and a movie, maybe do something out of the ordinary.  Visit a farmer’s market, go on a bike ride, bowling, get a couple’s massage, go kayaking, or horseback riding.  Anything that is new, exciting and fun. Once date nights (or days) become a habit, the feeling of reconnection will happen and desire will grow from there.

·      Discover the reason for low libido

A loss of interest in sex that lasts longer than a month could mean several things.  Aging, depression, anxiety, hormonal imbalances, excessive alcohol consumption, painful sex or low self-esteem – each one of these can contribute to sexual dysfunction.  For men, a common sexual problem is erectile dysfunction which can be an early sign of diabetes or heart disease.  Even medications such as antidepressants and blood pressure drugs can be the culprit to a lackluster sex life. 

In the majority of these situations, there are remedies that can bring back your sexual passion. Share your concerns with your healthcare provider to explore what may be the real reason for a lowered sex drive and how to bring it back.